The Prisoners
by KingdomOfThomond
Summary: Three prisoners join RED, as Engineer tests a new machine. Rated T for possible future blood and guts.
1. Recruitment

He knew little about the other two men in his prison cell. They rarely spoke to each other, so the other men felt foreign and alien. One man, he knew, was an Italian Gangster, and had been arrested for trouble-making in New Mexico. The other was a military officer from the Falklands, and had rioted about the high wages of state governors.

"Psst. Come and listen to this." whispered the officer, who had his ear to the door.

The man got up, and did as he was instructed.

"...I don't care about why those men are in there, I have a need for them, and I am willing to bail all three of them out, for triple the price." said a woman.

"That's quite a bit of money. Why do you need them?" asked a guard.

"My business is none of yours."

"Stand back from the door." muttered the officer, gesturing to the man.

A few minutes later, the door was opened by a guard, and a woman in a purple dress and smoking a cigarette was standing in the doorway.

"Come with me. Questions can be answered later." the woman instructed, the men obeying.

Outside of the prison, the three prisoners were ordered into a car, and drove away.

"You're all wondering what I'm doing. There is a war in Mann's land, which, being that one company has got some more mercenaries, you've been recruited by their rivals." stated the woman.

"What...how? Why have I been drafted into a war in New Mexico?" said the officer.

"That doesn't matter. What does is that we'll be arriving in about ten minutes, so prepare yourselves. Each mercenary recruited by me for RED has a code name. The Falklander is the Officer, a support class who will increase morale and lead charges. He was close to not getting a job, but your rivals got one, so RED does as well. The Italian is Gangster, who is an offensive class, and is good at close combat, and the other man, um, what are you?"

"Canadian." replied the man.

"Canadian. Right. You're Lumberjack, and are on defence. You simply do your old job of chopping down trees, but replace the trees with people."

The three new recruits arrived a little time later, and were taken to a white room with benches and lockers. On the benches were three cardboard boxes with their class names on it. These contained their weapons and uniforms, but were taken to the barracks before being opened.

Outside was the sound of gunfire and pain, confirming what the woman said about the war. In the barracks, the men were told to wait until being met by their Medic, but to change into their uniforms in the meantime. This was done quickly, and so the three men waited.

Gangster wore a suit and fedora, and carried a Tommy Gun, a Double Barred Shotgun, and Knuckle Dusters. He looked similar to Spy, but he hunched like Heavy, and was taller than the Frenchman. Lumberjack wore a stereotypical Canadian shirt, with the sleeves rolled up, loose black trousers, and a Canadian hat, while carrying a Chainsaw, 4 sticks of Dynamite, and a Shotgun. Officer wore a green jacket with loose plum coloured trousers, and had Infra Red Goggles, a smoke grenade, and a sabre.

"I think that woman is crazy. Releasing us from prison? To do something that would usually get us straight back in gaol? I reckon she's quite powerful. What do you two think?" asked Officer.

Gangster mumbled something in Italian before nodding, while Lumberjack said that he agreed with Officer, before taking over from the Falklander.

"I think that something is happening here that we've not been told. I have no idea what that is, but I think it's serious. It was good of that woman to get us out of gaol, but I think she has some serious motives. We should do as she says, but we should also try and find out what is going on without being caught."

Eventually, the gunfire ceased, and the new mercenaries were shortly joined by the most German-looking of doctors. He was covered in blood, and seemed fairly tired. Taking the new mercenaries to his surgery, Medic told them that he would be giving them a new heart and taking a DNA sample for re-spawn. This was done quickly and relatively pain-free, the new recruits thanked the Medic.

Meanwhile, Engineer was working on a machine, similar to the life-extender built by his grandfather, which could make people younger. He decided to test it on his entire team without mentioning his new creation to them. It malfunctioned, and took them to room with lots of chairs and a small kitchen area in it, as well as a man, who was leaving. He stopped, and turned to the mercenaries.

"Ah, you must be the new members of staff. Your timetables are next to the sink, but be quick, lessons begin in three minutes." the man said, before leaving.

"Did he just say..." started Engineer.

"He did. I don't know why, but we're teachers." stated Sniper.

* * *

**A/N** Please rate and review, as I need support.


	2. School

Demoman ended up being a science teacher, Heavy in the library, Pyro and Engineer in the technology department, Medic in the medical room, Spy in drama, Sniper in geography, Scout and Soldier in P.E, Gangster in languages, Lumberjack in maths, and Officer in English.

At the earliest opportunity, which was as at lunch, Sniper approached Engineer, who was unaware of the Australian trying to talk to him.

"Engineer!" shouted Sniper at the Texan.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you wanted to talk to me. And please refer to me as Mr Conagher, Mr Mundy. We are in school." replied Engineer.

"I've just been teaching double Geography to first formers. I **know** we are in school, _Mr Conagher_. What on Earth are we doing here?"

"I think we crossed the fifth dimension."

"The fifth dimension? What are you wafflin' on about, mate?"

"There are the four dimensions – length, breadth, hight and time – and it appears that the fifth dimension is where two people share the same place in space and time but are unaware of the presence of the other."

"Could you say that again?"

"We're in an alternate universe."

"Why couldn't you say that to begin with?"

Engineer shrugged, before saying that he would try and get the team back to their normal dimension.

* * *

Soldier and Heavy were on the school playing field, playing a game of teachers versus students rugby. One of the teachers was being taken away by Medic with a broken leg. Sniper approached them, interested in what was happening.

"Herr Mundy, the teachers are one man down. I think you should join them." stated Medic forcefully.

"Are you sure, doc? I don't want my leg broken like that man." replied Sniper.

"Come on, you Australian Maggot!" screamed Soldier.

"Right then."

* * *

After the end of the school day, when the school was entirely empty apart from a mildly annoyed RED plumber who was taken alongside the RED team, the mercenaries grouped together in the technology department, next to Engineer and his machine.

"I already told Sniper this, but we're all in a diff'rent universe," stated Engineer. "And the reason is that I was testing this machine."

This caused a mixed amount of anger and swearing directed at Engineer and his machine. When this died down, Engineer continued.

"To get us back, I should reverse the procedure. I don't know if it will work, though."

"Reverse the procedure, Toymaker!" screamed Soldier.

"Alrighty then. Don't blame me if this don't work."

Engineer flicked a few buttons, thumped the machine, then flicked a few more buttons. The machine began to hum, starting quietly, then getting louder.

"Here we go." said Lumberjack calmly.

* * *

The RED team arrived back at their base, unscathed in the least.

"Engineer, as your Officer, I _order_ you not to test anything without mentioning it to any of us beforehand." ordered Officer.

"Sure thing, Officer." replied Engineer.

The team went to the communal area, where Miss Pauling arrived a short while later, and said:

"The Administrator wants to talk to you all. In person."

* * *

**A/N** I was intending the entire teachers at school thing to be longer, but couldn't continue it. Please rate and review.


	3. tc Hydro

Officer was in the empty communal area, playing the very dusty and old piano. The Administrator had questioned their disappearance, before docking their pay for the next fight. He was playing I Giorni by Ludovico Einaudi, enjoying the music. He stopped when a massive, aggressive looking cat entered, with its face giving the impression that the cat was incredibly violent. Heavy followed.

"What is that cat doing here?" asked Officer.

"Is Catzilla. We fight, he kill mice and rats. We don't fight, and it kill sneaky tiny baby BLU Spy." replied the Russian.

"Ah. I understand."

Officer returned to I Giorni, while Heavy left. Officer thought that he was in charge of a bunch of dumb, mad, drunk, crazy, arrogant, filthy, fat, short, or Canadian fools. He had been hired to lead them, and even if they were as abysmal at fighting as they were at teaching, then he was going to lead them.

* * *

The following day, the RED team were fighting on Hydro. This created a mixed response from the team, being that they had never been on Hydro before, and therefore were uncertain about what to expect.

Leading the charge out of the re-spawn room, Officer was waving his sabre around like a crazed maniac, encouraging the RED team forward. This won RED their first territory. The other points went down like the trees that Lumberjack used to fell. The push to the BLU base was a blood-covered steam-roll.

* * *

RED went back to their base, apart from Sniper and Officer, who stood on the dam. Both were looking over the map.

"It looks nice, until you think of the amount of death here." stated Sniper.

"Agreed. I would hate that to happen to the Falklands, but I hear the Argentinians are planning an invasion." replied Officer.

"Don't be stupid. They wouldn't dare."

"Are you serious? I think they are."

Sniper changed topic quickly.

"So, which place do you come from?"

"Dunbarr."

"That big?"

"Big? It's a hamlet."

"Ah."

"Where are you from?"

"Adelaide Street. Red house on the house."

"That's appropriate."

"Yeah, it is."

The two men stopped talking, and returned to their base. Catzilla had taken out a few enemy Spies, and had feasted on cheese-fed Surrender Monkey and expensive suits. A gloomy, smoky mist hung around the place, dampening spirits.

"I would rather be redoing Ph.D. in Russian Literature. It not feel nice here." grumbled Heavy.

"I don't know any Commie books, but I would rather be in Europe back in forty-four. That was a great time, killing any Nazi I came across." reminisced Soldier.

"I'm drunk!" exclaimed Demoman.

They were unprepared for the sequence of life-changing events that followed.

* * *

**A/N** I apologise for the shortness of the chapter, but my inability to find any active servers with Hydro means that description is worse than it could have been. Please rate and review.


	4. A Freezing Winter

That winter was bitterly cold for the RED team stationed in Gorge. The temperatures were well below freezing, making the lubricants in their machines and guns to turn to crystals, resulting in the fighting between RED and BLU literally grinding to a halt. Mr Dowers, the RED plumber from Yorkshire who had crossed the fifth dimension with his company's mercenaries, was constantly working on their plumbing to ensure a decent supply of drinking water for them. Officer and Demoman, due to the low temperatures, mimicked what the Titanic's baker did, and drank a vast amount of alcohol. Their singing of _Great is Thy Faithfulness _and _It's a Long Way to Tipperary _lasted the RED team's waking hours, angering most, who decided to stay away from the Falklander and the Scot.

Meanwhile, the low temperatures had caused the Administrator to become increasingly troubled mentally. Eventually, she had a mental breakdown. Following a doctor's visit, Miss Pauling visited both teams to say that the Administrator would have fully recover by the end of spring, so the teams were free to do as they wished in the meantime.

The next day, Miss Pauling was doing her duties of checking the state of both teams. She found that the RED team had put up a sign which said:

SEE YOU NEXT SEASON

Examining the RED base, Miss Pauling found that the team had packed their bags, and migrated to Lakeside.

* * *

Engineer and Sniper were relaxing on the beach next to the lake, drinking BLU Streak, while Demoman was licking his 'lolly', consisting of a stick in a bottle of frozen Scrumpy. The rest of the team were on one of the airboat tours from everyone's favourite crowbar-wielding scientist, Gordon Freeman. Lumberjack, whose clothes were suited to slightly colder environments, had unbuttoned his shirt, and rolled up his sleeves and trouser legs. For some reason, he was carrying his chainsaw around with him.

A few days later, BLU had the same idea of going to Lakeside, so RED left to 2Fort, being that re-spawn was down, as the teams were there unofficially. Although 2Fort was colder than Lakeside, it was a great deal warmer than Gorge.

One evening, RED went into the town of Teufort to browse the shops. Lumberjack, Gangster, and Officer got seperated from the rest of the RED team, and went down an alley to check a street at the other end. However, a group of hoodies, chavs, and other assorted riff-raff surrounded the three mercenaries, and demanded all of their money while pointing various Scout weapons at them. Officer clutched the hilt of his sabre, Lumberjack readjusted his grip on his chainsaw, and Gangster fingered his double-barrelled shotgun, while they looked at each other. Officer drew his sabre, pointed it forward.

"Grant us victory, O Lord, before the Americans get here. To glory!" shouted Officer.

* * *

The sounds of gunfire and a chainsaw attracted the attention not only of the police, but also the remainder of the RED team. When they arrived, they found a lone thug cornered by Officer, Lumberjack and Gangster, who were low on health and standing on the bodies of at least two dozen dead riff-raff. Predictably, all four were dragged to court the following day.

* * *

"Your Honour, my client says that he and his associates were only using their weapons in self defence against these reckless RED mercenaries." stated the thug's lawyer.

Engineer stood up.

"Your Honour, my clients were su'rounded by the accused and his associates, who demanded that my clients give up all of their money." stated the Texan.

"Your Honour, my client nor his associates did not kill anyone."

"Your Honour, my clients were fighting for their lives and their money."  
The judge called for silence. Soon, he came to a decision.

"For the accused mercenaries from RED, each has a five year prison sentence, suspended for the next decade, for killing twenty-five men due to the circumstances. For the unemployed accused, an immediate five year prison sentence for doing grievous bodily harm."  
The judge whacked his harmer on his desk.

The remaining thug started hurling abuse at the judge, along the lines that he shouldn't go to prison when the newest RED mercenaries didn't, before being pulled away by police. Spy approached the newest recruits.

"I know how the courts here can work, and I have studied law, so appreciate the fact that you are not in gaol." said the Frenchman. He cloaked and walked away.

* * *

**A/N** Thanks to BruinBastard for reviewing, while those who haven't, please do so. On a different note, the Titanic's baker drank a lot of alcohol on the night the vessel sank, and it kept him alive in the freezing waters of the North Atlantic for two hours before he was rescued.


	5. Genetics

The end of spring passed both teams by, and autumn approached quickly. Some RED mercenaries rumoured that the Administrator took longer to recover from her mental breakdown, like Engineer, or others thought that she had died, like Soldier. Either way, RED hadn't been in a fight for approximately three quarters of a year, and they were getting restless. Miss Pauling was aware of this, as were Redmond and Blutarch, so Miss Pauling took on the Administrators job, resuming the battle at Gorge.

Deaths, kills, dominations, and revenges occurred, with RED refusing to give up their capture to BLU, and BLU refusing not to give up on capturing the RED's control points.

Eventually, RED won as the time ran out, allowing them to cut down their surviving enemies, before going back to their base. On the way, Medic asked Officer if he would be willing to participate in an experiment. Not wanting to be seen in a bad light in front of his inferiors, Officer accepted, but questioning what the experiment was all about, and if his manhood would be intact. Medic didn't provide a decent answer, but that Officer would have to be unconscious, although he would still have his manhood. In Medic's surgery, the German doctor knocked Officer out, before proceeding.

Miss Pauling, watching this in the Administrator's office, muttered that she had just become aware of why Hitler himself had banned Medic from joining the Nazis.

* * *

Heavy, after he had searched a little bit for Medic, went to his surgery, finding it locked and bolted from the inside. Heavy knew this as Medic's way of saying that he was busy experimenting on some poor soul, and therefore sat down on a chair outside.

About an hour later, Heavy heard commotion from inside. Although no words could be distinguished, Officer's voice with his Falkland accent sounded very angry, while Medic's German dialect sounded like he was trying his best not to be gutted by an angry patient's sabre. This calmed down after five minutes. A minute later, the door to Medic's surgery was unlocked, and Officer stormed past, flicking something long and black on an elongated posterior.

"Doktor, what was that about?" asked the Russian.

"An experiment, Herr Heavy. Vith your PhD in Russian Literature, you've probably heard of the Centaur, a creature that is half man, half horse." replied Medic.

"Da. What does it do with Officer?"

"I turned him into one."

"You...did?"

"Ja, Heavy. It is an experiment I have been trying to perfect for years, und finally, ich habe."

Medic laughed evilly, before rambling on about genetics and things like that.

"Anyvay, vas there anything you vanted to see me about?" asked Medic, when his one sided conversation ended.

"Nyet, nyet." mumbled Heavy, moving away from Medic as quickly as he could.

* * *

Officer made straight to his quarters. He wasn't mad at Medic - he was furious at him. No wonder Medic didn't want to say anything about the experiment beforehand. He had played on Officer and his position, as Officer wanted his inferiors to respect him and follow his orders. Instead, Medic had Officer around his little finger in that instance. No more would his team do that. Anyhow, Medic had still left Officer's manhood intact, albeit in a different place. Consulting Sun Tzu's _The Art Of War_, Officer read and reread the chapters regarding qualities of leaders. Eventually, Officer had calmed down enough with Medic and man, well, Centaur, enough to face the rest of his team. On his way to the communal area, Officer was approached from behind by Scout, who had just been to the toilet.

"Ah, man, no wonder Heavy said that you were shouting at Medic." stated the Bostonian.

"If I find that he has done it to someone else, I'll ring Medic's neck, even with re-spawn and no friendly fire allowed." replied the Falklander.

"Yeah, do that. Tell 'im not to meddle with...what's your rank?"

"Captain."

"Tell 'im not to meddle with Captain Officer again!"

"I will, but, as I just said, only if he does it to somebody else."

Officer went into the communal area. Heavy was in a chair, reading Orwell's Animal Farm, while Spy and Gangster were smoking together. Everyone else was somewhere else. Lumberjack was obviously cutting down trees, as his chainsaw was audible in the RED base. Soldier ranting to his collection of severed heads was faintly audible from outside the window, as were explosions from Demoman's bombs at infrequent intervals. Officer's condition didn't attract any attention from Heavy, Gangster looked mildly alarmed, but Spy, being the smug and arrogant French Frog that he was, looked like he had seen this coming for years.

Officer stood in a rather heroic stance, before trotting away towards a fire exit, and going outside and smoking a pipe. The BLU team were going to be shocked the following morning, thought Officer.

* * *

**A/N** Please rate and review, as each and every one of them is important.


	6. pl Upward

The following day on pl_Upward, the BLU team were stopped dead after exiting re-spawn; the RED Officer, who was strutting around, spotted them and galloped towards them, cutting them like a bowling ball does ten pins. When the BLU team re-spawned, the RED Lumberjack was crouched outside the doors with his chainsaw, and went on a mow down in a similar fashion to Heavy with Sasha, while Pyro attacked from the other side with it's flamethrower.

After re-spawning twice without even touching their payload, BLU were suitably annoyed. They built up an über, while their Engineer changed his Jag to the Gunslinger. They managed to get past the RED Soldier and Demoman, but were finished by an übered Heavy from the front, and by Spy and Gangster from behind.

After multiple deaths on the part of the BLU mercenaries, and dominations all round for their RED counterparts, the round ended with the BLU payload resting in it's starting position. A killing spree from their enemies further added to the humiliation that BLU felt, in addition to their confusion as to what had happened to the RED Officer.

* * *

Decades passed. During this time, Scout repeatedly attempted to ride on Officer's back, but was always shoved off, or else Officer reared himself on his hind legs to such an extent that Scout fell off instead. After every attempt, Scout was either kicked or was whipped by Officer's tail. Demoman tried to have Officer pull a cart of scrumpy for him, but Officer refused to pull the cart, and destroyed it if it was attached.

Officer revealed to his team-mates that he had been born in 1895, and was perhaps the liveliest and fittest of seventy-three year olds when he joined in 1968, and, thanks to re-spawn, didn't age physically. This was due to each team's re-spawn stopped their bodies aging, as it was, in essence, a life-extender for up to fifteen mercenaries, although it wouldn't make the mercenaries any younger. The main reasons that Redmond and Blutarch didn't use their mercenaries' re-spawn instead of their life extenders was because neither of them wanted to be transported into battle as they were still trying to outlive their brother.

Officer told his fellow mercenaries that he had seen the horrors of the Somme, played football on Christmas Day in 1914 against the Germans and got a few souvenir buttons, and his sergeant stole his rum.

Lumberjack didn't reveal much about himself, except that he was good at and liked cutting both trees and humans down, while Gangster only mentioned the name of another Italian in the Mafia, who was Pepsi DiCola.

* * *

During March 1982, Officer was dispatched by Miss Pauling, being that the Administrator had gone to a mental hospital, to the Falklands. He returned in May, but he didn't tell anyone why he had gone, and he seemed very sad about the entire thing, apart from mentioning to Sniper that the Australian was wrong. Sniper had, by then, forgotten their conversation on the dam at Hydro about the Argentinians invading the Falklands, so was puzzled at this.

In 1989, and after fighting at Coldfront, Miss Pauling gave the mercenaries a few years leave after them not receiving any since the Administrator had a mental breakdown twenty years earlier. Soldier, Officer, Sniper, Lumberjack, and Heavy went on a hunting expedition, with them all having their best hunting weapons and Officer carrying most of their equipment, including, for some reason, Pyrovison Goggles. After arguing that the worst that would happen would be that they got killed by someone or an animal and went through re-spawn, the hunting expedition went off. The fact that Soldier had been promoted to Second Lieutenant, and had a map and a compass, meant that he was incredibly dangerous. After a forced march or trot across North America and into Eurasia thanks to the fact that the North Pacific covered with ice was confused by Soldier for an Alaskan plain covered in snow. Heavy was the first to notice, as he recognised and understood the writing on signs and posters that were just scribbles to his team-mates. The RED hunting expedition had ended up in Korryakskiy Avtonomnyy Okrug, near Palana, but were an awfully long way from anywhere familiar to any of the mercenaries, be it Siberia, Canada, the Midwest of America, Australia or the Falklands.


	7. Engineer's Message

"I don't see them, Heavy." stated Officer.

In the ruins of their base in Foundry, Officer and Heavy were searching for their team-mates, the former wearing his infra-red goggles, the later with Pyrovision Goggles. It was a week since they should have fought there, but none of the mercenaries who had declined on going on the hunting expedition were around. The entire RED base was a mess - it looked like it had been hit by artillery. When the two got into the Engineer's workshop, which was by far the strongest and most secure room in the entire base and had shock absorbers, they found a note from Engineer hurriedly written and crammed into the top draw of his desk.

_If the hunting expedition finds this note, get out of the base, as quickly as you can. They want us all dead. Do not come looking for us, or they'll start individual executions, but they want us all first._

"Lets get out of here." mumbled Heavy.

Turning around, Officer and Heavy found Engineer had scrawled HIGGINS CO. on the back of his workshop door. They noted the name, and went through the rumble strewn corridor to the outside. Halfway down, Officer shoved Heavy behind some debris and made himself as small as possible next to the Russian, which the Falkland Centaur found slightly difficult. Two men with a torch were coming from the other direction, obviously looking for the two men and from Higgins Co., saying that the RED mercenaries should be somewhere in the base, but were doing a poor job of it, walking straight past Heavy and Officer.

Heavy and Officer got up again when the two other men had disappeared, and made for the main exit, where Soldier, Lumberjack, and Sniper had been left as a precaution against their base collapsing on them all, although none of them had seen the men from Higgins Co. enter the base. Officer filled the rest of the hunting expedition about what he had Heavy had found in the base.

Sniper suggested that they went to the main offices of Higgins Co., and rescue their fellow RED mercenaries, despite Engineer's note, and should pose as a band of travelling actors, arguing that it would result in fewer questions being asked about Officer. The others agreed with Sniper's logic, so they prepared themselves to look the part after taking care of Higgen Co.'s agents. Lumberjack made his large ginger beard look more unkept, Heavy made enough sandviches for his colleagues, Soldier equipped his Concheror but the horn was replaced with a camera and the flag, adjusted by Sniper, had Reasonable Theatricals written on it, while Officer borrowed one of Soldier's severed Medic heads which was strapped on Officer's back by Lumberjack, barely noticeable beneath Officer's hair. Just before they started on their way to Higgins Co., Lumberjack suggested that they should do some reconnaissance, being that no-one knew anything about the company. Soldier and Officer seconded that.

It was decided that they should speak to the Pepsi DiCola that Gangster had mentioned, and enroll the help of the Mafia. Officer and Sniper went to search Gangster's quarters for any information on Pepsi, while the rest went to Miss Pauling's office, as she moved with the mercenaries and had a computer network on each map. Both groups had a two-way radio so they could communicate. Officer and Sniper had almost arrived at Gangster's quarters when Lumberjack asked them to get to Miss Pauling's Office as quickly as possible, and to pick up a few medikits on the way.

Sniper picked up a few medikits on the way out of their base, and Officer offered Sniper a ride on his back so they could get to Lumberjack's group quicker. Sniper accepted, as nobody else had been offered this, and he agreed with Officer's point about speed. About five minutes later, Officer and Sniper arrived at Miss Pauling's office, where Lumberjack, Soldier and Heavy were clustered around Miss Pauling.

"Have you got those medikits?" asked Lumberjack.

"Yes." said Sniper, handing them over.

"We found Miss Pauling in her kitchenette, badly wounded and slightly crazed. We've managed to stabilise her, but we needed those medikits."

Lumberjack started applying the medikit on Miss Pauling's wounds. Soon, she had recovered, and revealed that, despite the agents of Higgins Co. taking and destroying most of her information, they had passed over the back-up. However, she refused to tell the mercenaries the location of the back-up unless Officer gave her a ride on his back. Sighing, Officer reluctantly allowed her to. Miss Pauling told the other mercenaries where the back-up was located as she left the room.

Officer galloped around Foundry, with Miss Pauling on his back. She was enjoying herself, as it was evening, and it was her favourite time of day. Officer followed Miss Pauling commands as to where to go. Meanwhile, Lumberjack and the others were looking through the back-up files. Skipping past most of Gangster's information, they found that Pepsi DiCola lived in the vicinity of Well, meaning that the mercenaries would have to get the next train there. When Officer and Miss Pauling returned, Lumberjack was waiting in Miss Pauling's office for them.

"The others are at the train station. The next train leaves in fifteen minutes, so we had better get going."

* * *

**A/N** Please review this. I'm not getting very many reviews, so any would be appreciated.


	8. Higgins Co

Gangster had been held by Higgins Co. for nearly a month, and he was going to snap soon. Scout had already, while Medic and Engineer were getting close. Spy and Pyro were the two that behaved identically to the way they had before. Spy, being the sneaky little snake that he was, had managed to get out of his cell one or twice, and knew that they were being held in the basement of a concrete building, while Spy also knew about, and was planning a way to sabotage it, was the twelfth operating Russian RBMK nuclear reactor, a model 1500 to be precise, not only producing electricity for the immediate area, but also plutonium for the deranged company owner's military projects that were very close behind those of Mann Co. However, nothing else was known about their captors or why they wanted to execute the RED team. None of them had heard anything about the hunting expedition.

One day, early in the evening, a siren rang out throughout the entire building, and rotating red lights turned on along side the siren. Running footsteps were heard outside Gangster's cell door, along with shouts of panic and confusion. Soon, the shouting and the running footsteps stopped, leaving behind only the siren making a sound. When he heard clicking noises coming from the lock on his door, Gangster went towards it. The clicking stopped, and the door was opened from the outside, revealing Spy, who had just picked the lock.

"Après moi, mon ami." stated Spy. Gangster obeyed.

The corridor was abandoned, save for the escaped Frenchman and Italian. They went to each of the cells that held their team-mates, and picked the locks. Sometime after opening Demoman's door, they heard footsteps from behind. Hiding in an empty room, the escapees saw Sniper, Lumberjack and Officer pass them, Sniper muttering that their colleagues must be nearby. Another man followed, which Gangster immediately recognised as Pepsi DiCola.

"We're here!" said Engineer.

Pepsi DiCola and Gangster approached each other, and started talking to each other in Italian. When Lumberjack stopped them, Gangster revealed that Pepsi was his brother.

"You're brothers?" asked Sniper.

"Sì. Coka is my brother." said Pepsi.

"So, you're Coka DiCola, eh Gangster?" chuckled Officer.

"Don't laugh at my brother's name, Mr Atkins."

Officer grumbled, before Pepsi said to him "Thomas, what is happening to those other two?"

"Thomas Atkins?" laughed Demoman. "You're not English."

"You now owe me four bottles of Barrier Lavender Wash." said Officer, poking Demoman in the chest.

This was stopped by Spy, who went to Medic's cell and released him, after which Officer radioed Soldier and Heavy, who were busy messing around with nuclear reactors and were having an awful lot of fun in doing so. Soldier replied that they were doing particularly fine, barricaded inside the control room pressing whatever button they chose to, while the Mafia was dealing with Higgins Co.'s men.

"Ah man, this is unbelievable. They're so screwed. But hey, they probably hate baseball too." stated Scout, irritating almost everyone there with his voice.

Making their way to the nearest exit, which happened to be one for a fire, the group escaped from Higgins Co. and made their way to the other side of a hill, before Officer told Soldier, Heavy, and the Mafia to get out of the building.

* * *

Soldier recieved Officer's command alongside the Mafia, who had dealt with most of the men from Higgins Co., and were in the control room. Going for the nearest exit, Heavy lead the way, with the Mafia following, and Soldier in the rear. However, an angry worker for the reactor had taken a kitchen knife from the canteen, and stabbed Soldier in the back, before being blown away by the Mafia and Heavy. With extra urgency, especially with the risk of the RBMK-1500 turning itself into the world's third level seven nuclear disaster, Heavy and the Mafia escaped the building and managed to get behind several parked buses before the reactor exploded, destroying most of the building and almost toppling the buses over.

* * *

With no re-spawn due to Higgins Co.'s agents, Soldier had a memorial erected in his honour the following day. Poppies were laid on top of it, with Officer saying "You've made Uncle Sam proud, Soldier" as he laid his wreath. Medic played The Last Post on the violin, and respects were paid to Soldier, with Demoman shedding a tear, and a few sniffs from the Mafia members present.

* * *

**A/N** There are eleven RMBK reactors still in operation, all in Russia. Please rate and review.


	9. Administrator's Return

Miss Pauling had hired a new Soldier for RED, who was just as insane as his predecessor, but slightly shyer and more proud than the man he was replacing. Re-spawn had been fixed, and was now fully functional. The replacement Soldier was ranting away in front of his new collection of severed heads about how much he liked having his application for RED being accepted, rehearsing what he was going to say to his team-mates. Unbeknown to him, Sniper was leaning against a fencepost behind Soldier.

When the Sniper saw that the Soldier had finished, he commented that the Soldier's rant was quite good, considering what his predecessor was like, which surprised Soldier to say the least, before ranting to the Australian that no-one on the team should be sneaking up on him.

Meanwhile, the Administrator had been released from the mental hospital, so she resumed her place as the most powerful woman on the planet. Knowing that this would happen, Miss Pauling had organised all of her files on the mercenaries and the war between both teams, and had prepared for her own demotion when the Administrator returned.

"Ah, Miss Pauling. I assume everything has been fine since my...departure." said the Administrator.

"Yes, but..." replied the newly demoted Miss Pauling.

"Good. I knew I count on you to keep everything running smoothly."

"Some of the RED team were captured and held by a company called Higgins Co."

"What? A tiny little company captured some of the best mercenaries in the world? What were you doing, Pauling?"

"Trying not to get killed, ma'am."

* * *

"The thing is, my good doctor, the thing is that every human being wants to, ahem, reproduce. That is very true in my case, as well." stated Officer to Medic in the latter's office.

"You vant me to turn a voman into a female centaur?" probed Medic.

"Yes."

"Vhich voman?"

"There is one young lady, who caught my interest back in '89..."

* * *

Heavy was waiting outside Medic's surgery for his friend. The doors were locked and bolted. Some time ago, Heavy remembered being in a similar situation, but couldn't remember the outcome. When a scream and shouts sounded through the doors, Heavy racked his mind over what he couldn't quite put his finger on. Only when a woman stormed out of the surgery after the doors were unlocked and unbolted with an elongated posterior, Heavy remembered that he remembered being outside Medic's surgery when Officer...hang on a minute...

* * *

It was definitely a historic event, but only the RED team, Miss Pauling, the Administrator, Saxton Hale and Pepsi DiCola were invited and turned up. The friends of Officer's new wife, Josephine, did not reply to the invites, nor any of her relations. After the ceremony, Officer continued to fight with RED before he handed in his resignation. Being that it was at least a hundred years since his birth and had been fighting with RED for thirty-four years, most of the other mercenaries followed his lead and left RED after him. The new Soldier never got to give them his acceptance rant.

* * *

The Administrator, realising that her RED team, apart from its Soldier, was leaving, hurriedly searched for new recruits to fill the vacant places on the team, while doing the same for BLU, the mercenaries of which were mimicking the actions of their counterparts. She was about to replace the Officer, Lumberjack, and Gangster classes, but decided against it, believing that the teams functioned perfectly well without them.

* * *

**A/N** And the story ends there. Well, not really, as Nuclear Fortress 2 is the sequel that was written before the work that it's a sequel of. Please rate and review.


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